Never Bet on a Baby

A Hispanic, jumping spider is not a worthy opponent for a six month old baby. At least that’s what I told them, but alas, it was to no avail. I argued that although the spider possessed superior agility, the baby could easily crush him flat. In the end though, I was ignored and the fight went on as scheduled.

The event was highly publicized and as a result, the turnout was astounding. There was only a lukewarm expectancy for the baby’s victory, despite his size advantage. Thus it appeared that the Hispanic, jumping spider known as Phillipe would not only win the competition, but the people’s hearts as well.

The first round was a snap. The baby inadvertantly threw a mean right hook while rolling over and reaching for a passing speck of dust, but Phillipe easily dodged the attack. The spider countered with a barrage of body slams to the baby’s abdomen and by the third round, the baby had slumped over unconscious, bloated with spider venom.

The crowd cheered and Phillipe beamed with pride. The little spider from Guatemala had overcome impossible odds to walk away victorious, and the infant carcass now lay as proof. As Phillipe began spinning a web around his unconscious trophy, preparing to cart it home for display and dinner, I couldn’t help but shed a tear or two. Somehow the little spider had done it. Phillipe had turned the tide.

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